Reply to the Pain

Here is an interesting comment left on my blog. It is by an author that goes by the name "Winks" but I would imagine "Winky" would have been appropriate has a nicer sound to it. This is a much better poem than the ones I have written much more deeper and beautiful. Well hope you guys enjoy.

We lead a life where irony is visible
With each contradiction, balance seems a bit more attainable
Within these walls, we strive for happiness
While misery lurks in the shadows of this fortress

Through still nights, our cries are of ecstasy
Feeding passions with such intensity
Bodies tremble with pleasure
As souls sore beyond mortal measures

In weakness, we are like so –
From differences, a subtle pain begins to grow
Fueled by hurtful words as rivers of tears flow
But in grief, hidden affection does show
And sparks of understanding manage to glow

We lead a life perfect in imperfection
Thankful to God for such divine selection
Thus, sorrow may lie beneath poetic beauty
As hearts may feel heavy, though they are empty

The Pain

Just an insight into my pain and it is very well expressed by an Urdu Poet, Faiz Ahmed Faiz. The following is I believe a translation of his poem.

Do not ask me for the same intensity with which I loved you once ...
I turn, I turn again and again to the pain
You are still beautiful, so beautiful
but - the pain

No Fear

I bequeath my life to the lanes and alleys of my land,
Where the ritual of silence stalks,
Where no one holds his head up high,
And Fear takes nightly walks.

Faiz Ahmed Faiz

How long are you going to stand in fear and awe and not do anything? This is quite the reason why the world is in such disarray, too many people stand by and do nothing and watch gross injustice and crimes being committed quite freely. When will you take the stand? If you keep letting your fears (especially the ones based on wrong beliefs) take over then you will never be able to break the shackles and when you will it will not only be too late but also plenty of damage would have been done not only to yourself but around you too. Do not let your fears over-rule you.

Orientalism detailed

I just got done with Edward Said’s flagship work, Orientalism, and came out enlightened at the very least. His work has helped me look at things from a different perspective and reaffirmed a lot of my previous beliefs as well. Like I mentioned in my earlier posts, that the word “Orientalism” as described by Said does not mean “pertaining or belonging to the Orient” rather, the word encompasses a wide variety of topics which lead to how the Orient is presented to the Oriental and non-Oriental by the non-Oriental. This entails a lot of myth and depiction by the non-Oriental of the unexplored Orient as a way to stamp their authority and power and thus justify their “manifest destiny” over their “subjects”. Examples of British and French colonialism serve as his pasture from where Dr. Said supports for his thesis. He also describes in detail the structures he is talking about that promote Orientalism and the history of them although not in the traditional sense but more in an evolutionary sense. Towards the end there were a few passages that held my interest and I would like to share those with you.

His main point is quite succinctly summed up in a quote he uses from Hugo of St. Victor, “The man who finds his homeland sweet is still a tender beginner; he to whom every soil is as his native one is already strong; but he is perfect to whom the entire world is as a foreign land.” In short the more one is able to see things from the other’s point of view the more is he liberated from his own prejudices and such that maybe tempered by past experiences and knowledge. He goes onto describe that, “The more easily, too, does one assess oneself and alien cultures with the same combination of intimacy and distance,” if Hugo’s quote is applied honestly.

Dr. Said is trying to clear our misrepresentations of certain alien cultures by trying to remove the smoke cloud around us that fogs our vision and clarity. “…the real issue is whether indeed there can be a true representation of anything, or whether and all representations, because they are representations, are embedded first in the language and then in the culture, institutions, and political ambience of the representer. If the latter alternative is the correct one (as I believe it is), then we must be prepared to accept the fact that a representation is eo ipso other things besides the “truth,” which is itself a representation.” It is quite clear what he is trying to say and in short; our prejudices regarding other cultures is based on our premonitions and hearsay at best without any concrete evidence maligning the other culture, over time this cacophony gathers some truth as it is perpetuated slowly but cancerously thereby clouding the vision of those to whom such knowledge is laid before i.e. you. As these lies and presumptions gather force over time they become the truth rather than being stated as an opinion at best or lie at worst.

Such lies and “truths” become urban legends and myths so to speak and “… a myth does not analyze or solve problems. It represents them as already analyzed and solved; that is, it presents them as already assembled images, in the way a scarecrow is assembled from bric-a-brac and then made to stand for a man. Since the image uses all material to its own end, and since by definition the myth displaces life….”

We should not look at cultures thinking that they have a pure pedigree but it is a well known and accepted reality that cultures today are a mixture and amalgamation of other cultures. Interaction with foreign entities during wars, conquests, trade etc. have left and indelible print on other cultures and then to talk about “western” and “eastern” culture seems to be really futile because each has components of the other; much like a yin-yang symbol. Said rhetorically addresses this concern, “How can one today speak of “Western civilization” except as in large measure an ideological fiction, implying a sort of detached superiority for a handful of values and ideas, none of which has much meaning outside the history of conquest, immigration, travel, and the mingling of peoples that gave the Western nations their present mixed identities? This is especially true of the United States, which today can only be described as an enormous palimpsest of different races and cultures sharing a problematic history of conquests, exterminations, and of course major cultural and political achievements.”

Orientalism is dedicated to helping us get out of this habit of generalizing unique things such as human personalities and traits through the molded lens of our eyes. Although Dr. Said uses the age old argument of East vs. West as his thesis, his principles and aphorisms can be applied quite freely in helping us interpret (or rather not misrepresent) other cultures and peoples. It is a book for the critical-thinker (I favour this term to mean those individuals who are alive and think freely without the fear of consequences for their beliefs) which is why I enjoyed it thoroughly. Highly recommended not only by me but many others who have had their eyes opened and like I said it can be applied quite easily in all walks of our life to help us understand and come to terms with foreign cultures and beings and not look at them through grimy spectacles anymore.

What is love?

My good friend recently asked me how we would know if we are in love. Well that is truly one of the toughest questions that has been tackled in the history of humankind and one without any conclusive answers so far. Well my good friend this is for you, and I hope this helps you find what you are looking for and since it is Valentine’s Day (this post was intended to be up on Valentine’s Day but I was unable to do so because of sickness) so in its spirit I will touch upon this topic and offer my opinions. Although I don’t believe in just celebrating it on one day I think if you really love them then everyday is a Valentine’s Day.

The first thing about love is that it must be pure and honest and not based on lustful desires. People thinking that lustful desires count as love are erroneously led into believing something which is not. Another quality is that it must be dynamically stable, by that I mean it is changing and evolving but at the same time it is constant in love. It indeed sounds like a chemistry term and indeed I was inspired by one such term i.e. dynamic equilibrium. What I mean by this is that love will obviously change you can’t expect it to remain constant because one of the signs of life is movement and if you don’t evolve or change then you’re as good as dead. Love too has to change with the times and you can notice this in couples who have been married for a very long time and they are no longer pretty (trust me some couples aren’t at such an age, it’s just a fact of life) but their love is no longer based on looks. Physical attraction goes only so far in helping you find true love and it’s as good a measure of one’s qualities as is race, ethnicity, and educational background, bank balance, wealth etc. For these do not make a loveable character, they may certainly add to one’s appeal and charm but if you find yourself loving someone for such qualities I suggest you rethink your life and priorities. Especially, when such traits are used to overlook more genuine qualities; such as moral support, belief, sharing dreams etc.

When looking for a soul mate, I would suggest one sitting down and seriously talking to them what one expects from them, what they expect from you and what they see as a future together. There will have to be a lot of compromises and if one of you isn’t prepared to give up certain things so the other can enjoy their life just as you can then once again I would suggest you rethink everything. Is this the person you really want to be with? They can’t give up something so meaningless for you is this really how you want to spend your life with them? Nowhere is this more contentious when the two have to sit down and decide who wants to work or not and who should be a stay at home parent. That being said, be ready to give up and take in but make sure it is always well balanced otherwise there is no point in having such a relationship if you are giving up more than they are or vice versa. Love has to be balanced as well and you must be on equal footing the two of you if not like I said you have to rethink this relationship and where it is heading. Understanding in such situations has to be really acute, and one must try to be empathetic and honestly try to see things from the other’s point of view. Mark Twain said,

“Keep away from people who try to belittle your ambitions. Small minded people always do that, but the really great make you feel that you, too, can become great.”

I think that is some really good advice. If you know someone who shares your values and dreams and beliefs and would like to see you progress as well then you have found someone who has truly loved you. For instance if one of you deliberately tries to put on the other some sort of responsibility despite knowing the other isn’t very capable of handling such situations, only to see them get better through trial and error. I for instance had given this one person the responsibility of making certain choices knowing full well they had a hard time making such calls but my intention was not to see them fail or use that as an excuse to belittle them (sometimes I would poke fun but who said love has to always be a serious affair, as long as I didn’t make a big deal of it which I didn’t) but rather to see them progress as a person and advance as a human being. I wanted them to be just as good as I was at making such calls or even better if she learnt well enough. What I’m trying to say is that I found a weakness in them and I wanted her to be just as strong for herself and me in the future.

Love has to be strong as well. If your love can’t risk taking a hit then it’s not love at all maybe it’s lust then. Purely sexual and animalistic in their basis and no substance whatsoever, that person is not capable of loving when they are prepared to forgo all for fear. An interesting quote that I came across clearly delineates what I’m saying,

“True love is rare, so when you find it don't let it go just because of a barrier you can't cross.” ----- Ray Hall

Although I got this quote from someone who has hurt me a lot, but no one has ever said that you can’t learn from people who harm you too. All you have to do is keep an open mind which is part of helping oneself grow and knowing oneself and others around them. There has to be a lot of trust and faith in love too and both parties must be mature of course there will be times when one of you tends to immaturity but it happens and the other must remember the good qualities of such a person in such a time, it really helps thinking in such a way. Your love must believe in you like they believe in themselves or even more so, because if that is not the case then you two are just going through the motions. I have seen a lot of couples, especially where I hail from, just going through the motions and neither of them can compromise or come to terms because one of the partners is just too strong and wants to assert their dominance over the other. Where I come from, being dominant and having power is a good thing, and what better way to show it than to exercise such authority over someone who is weaker? Bravo! Excellent work people, you have just shown how strong you are by trampling upon some weakling but yet there are atrocities out there (some of which you hold against) being committed but yet you silently watch those and vent your frustrations at home. Now that is the sign of some truly great and strong people! Disgusting honestly. Strength is not determined by fighting the weak, rather by fighting stronger opponents and the strongest of them all; your inner self.

You can’t have love without trust. No trust, no love and no love and you’d be going through hell for quite some time. I was once briefly involved with someone and it was a long distance of sorts at the time and I had told them I was going out for salsa and naturally that would entail me dancing with other females. But that person said the best thing to me that could have been said and they said they will trust me not to mess around and I am happy to say I upheld their trust. It is not easy for one to be trusting, but saying such a thing can help both of you as it would help assails your doubts and would also help the other person feel a sense of responsibility towards their partner. I must say I learnt a great deal form that one act of faith and trust. Though things didn’t work out between us but there is no love lost she is a great friend to me now and I value her.

I told my friend that you must value your partner as a human being devoid of all label and prejudices and I think that one sentence sums it all up really. However, the keyword here is value. If you can’t appreciate what someone else brings to the table or you can’t see then it really won’t work out. This is also true conversely, if your partner can’t see you for who you are and not what you are then it’s best to move one and leave them behind. Such narrow mindedness is best observed during the Dark Ages and one must not be swallowed up because of devotion to this tunnel-visioned person.

If you feel all this and more then I could say that you are in love but that doesn’t come with its fair share of responsibilities like I have mentioned as well. Another true test for love is the pain of separation that you feel. Of course that is a risky ploy to test yourself or your partner because it is quite possible that you may lose one another in such a test but if you feel such pangs and they persist then know it that you are (or were) in love. Oh another thing is that you have to also take into consideration the two families especially when you are about to tie the knot and go the next step, because you are not marrying one person you are marrying a whole family too so you have to understand compatibility issues. Not all families will be open-minded about certain people and their qualities and like I said it is natural but then that is where you have to decide if your family has a legitimate concern or not. Race, color, ethos and so on really should not be such criteria but sadly they are. A very good friend of mine who is going through this process himself voiced his concern that his mother might be a factor in a matrimonial union. I felt it shouldn’t matter because he was going to marry the girl and not his mother marrying the girl (rhetorical question) and so dutifully I told him that it should be a non-factor. But here’s the amazing bit, his mother told him herself that he should not factor her preferences into his choice! Amazing! Mind-blowing too, I salute such parents who will sacrifice their preferences for their children. For how else can a parent prove to their child their love if they do not sacrifice?

So I hope this helps any or all of you out there and making wiser choices this day but remember if you have someone who believes in you and shares your visions and values then you have a winner. Don’t let them go because of your fear or a barrier you think you can’t cross. And above all love is a two-way street if you’re not feeling any traffic in your direction then it’s best to change lanes.

There are only four questions of value in life.
What is sacred? Of what is the spirit made?
What is worth living for? What is worth dying for?
The answer to each is the same. Only love.

Don Juan DeMarco

Do the right thing. It will gratify some people and astonish the rest ----- Mark Twain

Can you do the right thing?

Caught up in what??!!

I have talked about responsibility and accountability before and I will once again make mention of it but in a different light. What I am trying to get at is one of those “I was caught up in the moment” moments. Such a reply usually implies that the person using it is trying to wash their hands of the responsibilities of their actions and thus absolve of themselves any duties arising out of such a consequence. This is usually the case when a person commits an error or a faux pas because if a favourable result were to arise who would want to crown fate, chance or luck when one can easily take credit for it themselves. The question thus arises, who is to blame in such a circumstance? The answer is obvious, the person doing the action. You can’t absolve yourself of your own actions by blaming your emotions and expect to get away. Think about it for a moment, who governs your emotions? Why you do, of course! Do not tell me that emotions can’t be governed; they can surely be tamed and toned down. You need not deny their existence because that would be creating an illusion for yourself but accepting their reality and trying to work with and not without them is the key. We are emotional beings and so we will be governed by our emotions as well and there is nothing wrong with that because that is how we are made. Stating the moment was very “high” doesn’t mean your mental faculties were suspended, they were definitely taking a back seat but not dead so do not hide behind weak excuses to hide your deficiencies and weaknesses. You will come off as a weak individual who can’t control their emotions. I believe, as do so many others, that the strongest out of us all is the one who fights his inner demons and owns up to their faults in utmost honesty. That still isn’t enough though; you will find many people out there who own up to their faults but the truly strong and honest ones are those you actually do something about it. They rectify their actions for all times to come and try to minimize the damage done. If you don’t think you can do that much then you must content yourself with your weakness and think of strengthening yourself somehow.

One must be able to take responsibility for one’s actions as long as one carried them out with their faculties fully intact and if they can’t then they must try to convince themselves at the very least of their weakness and if they can’t even do that then may God help these animals because that is what they are; beasts in essence. There is no difference between them and an animal because neither thinks; they both just react to their instincts and desires. Just as the wild lion finds a lioness to mate with and fulfills its desires such people are much the same. We have a mind for us to use and not to be abused. I will make a confession here and I am not afraid of doing so, I am depressive and bipolar (a cooler name for bipolar is manic-depressive but that’s besides the point), and unlike the stereotype I am not crazy or loony or someone on a hair-trigger, I have a temper, yes, like all the other males in my family, but that in no way makes me crazy or psychotic as some people come to think and believe of us (the “us” refers to bipolars and not the males in my family). The point I am trying to make is that during my depressive phases I would usually go on a shopping spree usually squandering money over useless items always trying to justify my purchases but the thing which I realized pretty soon is that I am going to be held accountable for my actions no matter what. To whom or what I am held accountable is a debate for all you theologists and ontologists and I dare not get into that lest I digress. But like I said it doesn’t matter how I was feeling or not, my actions ultimately come back to me and describe myself and so I should be ready to bear the consequences of my actions. Justifying my sprees on my illness was a really weak way of hiding and trying to absolve myself of the blame. We all hate being blamed for something that might be associated with us, and quite naturally, I know I don’t want to have something on my conscience to bother me for a long time. But sometimes our desire to have an alibi or an excuse is so strong we fail to see our shortcomings and if we do not see our shortcomings we will never be able to improve our situation and much less ourselves.

The first step in trying to solve a problem is acknowledging there is a problem. Then you go about searching and weighing the options but the first and most important step is to identify the problem. I can say with full confidence and that I now know how to better solve my predicament and have taken care of it.You have to ask yourself the question that are you hiding behind some fake reason or are you really acquitted of doing such.

Love Punjabi style

Poetry by Mian Mohammad Bakhsh one of the great Punjabi poets, and here he gives us his thoughts on what true love is like. It is ok if you can’t read or understand Punjabi, just understand the essence and I am sure you will agree that it is indeed strong and true.


Jis dil andar ishq samaana, os naheen phir janaa
Torey sohney Milan hazaran, nahin yaar watana

Once a heart has absorbed love, then it will never abandon it
Thousands of beauties though cross it, never will it give in its lover

Hirs majazee, shehwat baazee, jis andar wish hondee
Har ik soorat ujalee tak key paee tabeeat bhondee

He, who has in himself lust for the temporal world and debauchery,
Is tempted by every fair face

Jis sar sir ishq da othey shehwat mool na wasdee
Jis dil hub sajan di, us wich hub naheen hark as dee

A mind full of true love cannot play host to lust and lechery,
The heart that is full of love for one’s lover, does not tend to others

Chhamm chamm teer pawan talwaareenaashiq na dar rehndey
Isq parheyz Mohammad Baksha, naheen kadel ral behndey

The pitter patter of falling arrows nor swords will frighten the true lovers
O Mohammad Bakhsh! Love and restraint can never go hand in hand

A Million to One

Here is another lil poem I came up with. It is slightly longer than the first one and I said I wouldn’t write one again but couldn’t resist the urge. Hope you guys enjoy this one too.

Two became one
One became one and millions
One for you and millions for me
Look around don’t you see?
Six times we came
First I held out my hand
Second a touch
Never asking for much
I hurt you once
In return you hung me
Are the balances steady?
Deserved it I, maybe
I held back
But I was true
Never a lie
Begging you to stick through
You held back
A little longer than I
Met them only once
To them you were true
But not to me
Don’t you see?
How unfair you were to me
You said you loved
Your love then came fleetingly
Giving in
To a mindless whim
How unfair it is to me
My pain, you can’t feel
Like the love you claimed
Tangible things I couldn’t give
For I had just one
Belief in you
Dreamt with you your dreams
You moved on with yours intact
Or so it seems
One for you
A million of mine
That is the heart