Parents and children in the third world
Where I come from and where I have grown up (they are two totally diffferent places) families are very patriarchal, as are most of the families around the world. So it comes as no surprise when I make mention of that, but there is an element in setups as such that I have experienced early on in my youth. That is of voicing one's opinion. And I mean the children in those families and not the elders. I have talked about this before on this very blog but I keep seeing the same trend over and over again that it forces me to remind everyone once again.
Too many times parents interfere in their children's lives for no good reason. True they have the best of intentions at heart for their children, very few parents are crazy enough to deliberately harm their offspring. The vast majority of parents love their children because this is the very being that they gave birth to, they nurtured it, they protected it, they taught it. So much effort gone into this one person. It's the same if the same two individuals decide to have another child. No wonder they love us so much, because they have literally poured their sweat and blood for us.
However, there does come a time when the parents must realise that they have to let go anymore nurturing and protection as it will only serve to harm the now young- adult later on in its life. I have seen parents making decisions for their children without consulting them and the children in such societies are so fearful or the blowback that they might receive from their family and the society that they give in very easily. This is a form of brainwashing I have to say, because society will be hard upon the individual then why should the family add to this burden? It's a very wrong way to "help" a child. This method serves nothing but to hamper the development of the individual and that is an infringement upon the right of that individual, because their voice has been forced to be lowered in the face of societal and familial norms. Such individuals come out as extremely confused and scared of making decisions and when puch comes to shove they will always give in. Life is going to be really hard on some individuals one day so it is better to have them be prepared for the challenges that lay ahead than have them deal with them on an impromptu basis. I have seen for myself that individuals who go by their parents' bidding always will never be willing to take a risk, will always be confused, can't make even the smallest decisions, are totally helpless and have a complete lack of self-confidence and self-belief and their self-esteem is not that high. In short they are made to believe that they do not have certain rights and can do without them despite Jenny, or John next door exercising their rights and enjoying a better view of themselves.
I know I'm going to get a lot of crap from my fellow people because to think that they have been forced into doing something, is preposterous. After all who wants to be known as a puppet even if it's their parents' puppet. It doesn't sound too good to one's ears and I agree. Rather then parents making all the decisions for their children and robbing the lil ones of the experience and confidence necessary to succeed in life it would be far better to try and offer the pros and cons of whatever is in question and allowing the young one to make the final call. After all the child will be living with that decision for the rest of his life and it is necessary for it to deal and cope with the realities of things when they go your way and especially when they don't. Plus, the parents end up robbing the children of vital analytical and decision making powers that defines key traits needed to be successful at anything in life.
I used to be under this pressure myself at one time but I am glad to have gotten out of it because I rationalised that since I will be living with most of these decisions then I should step up and take responsibility for them too. It would be ver easy to blame someone esle because of my weakness but then that is not right. Of course we do not always do the right thing we are human, nonetheless, but we are not stupid. We have a brain for some reason and it is NOT for the purpose of others' play.
Not all is to be blamed on the parents, because the children must realise at some point in their lives that their parents will no longer be living at some stage of their lives. Death is a reality and once the parents are gone who will make the decisions for them? Their spouse? Their partner? Their friends? Who? Living in a plastic world is no reason for one not to try and exert their right and achieve what they want for themselves. For this reason I really admire the western view on rearing children, they maintain a healthy balance for their children and after they have come of age they do not influence them any longer. They will guide them and show them what they think is right and how they feel they should go about it but very few would actually enforce upon the children their desires. I would like for once these backward parents to not meddle with such affairs so directly and instead guide the child. The child grew up holding your hand, it will not live its life like that for all eternity and this truth is never more truer than when you have died. Back to the youth though, they have a responsibility unto themselves for seeing that they get these rights no matter what. They will be frowned upon by their parents and possibly society but then sooner or later they all forget what you did. Your parents can't hate you for all their life, they will get over it and after all they love you so much and eventually that love will come back. It will hurt during those times thinking that you are responsible for their dismay but you are not, because their dismay is because of their beliefs and notions. As for society, well society is fickle, today they would be frowning upon you tomorrow it would be another poor individual so I wouldn't be too worried about society.
Of course there must be a balance between the two extremes, i.e. the parents taking charge or the child. Both must realise when they have to compromise and when not to. Marriage is a big issue here though, with the girl almost having no say. Although the trend is bucking, especially amongst the urbanites, but other than that generally the girl is always under immense pressure. It is unfair to her that one fine day the parents come along and say "Daughter, here's my friend's son (replace "friend" with appropriate relation). Marry him." The poor girl's wishes and dreams are never paid attention to. This is not right at all. In fact it is downright disgusting. And girls who give in don't know what rights they have as human beings and not as daughters. As human beings we all have the right to express our choices and face the consequences for those choices. So too should these young women, it is a grave disservice that is done by these parents upon their daughter. Not only that, the major religion being followed here has given those women explicit rights in such situations where the marriage can be called null and void because she was forced into it! If only people start to exert their basic human rights. If only.
Too many times parents interfere in their children's lives for no good reason. True they have the best of intentions at heart for their children, very few parents are crazy enough to deliberately harm their offspring. The vast majority of parents love their children because this is the very being that they gave birth to, they nurtured it, they protected it, they taught it. So much effort gone into this one person. It's the same if the same two individuals decide to have another child. No wonder they love us so much, because they have literally poured their sweat and blood for us.
However, there does come a time when the parents must realise that they have to let go anymore nurturing and protection as it will only serve to harm the now young- adult later on in its life. I have seen parents making decisions for their children without consulting them and the children in such societies are so fearful or the blowback that they might receive from their family and the society that they give in very easily. This is a form of brainwashing I have to say, because society will be hard upon the individual then why should the family add to this burden? It's a very wrong way to "help" a child. This method serves nothing but to hamper the development of the individual and that is an infringement upon the right of that individual, because their voice has been forced to be lowered in the face of societal and familial norms. Such individuals come out as extremely confused and scared of making decisions and when puch comes to shove they will always give in. Life is going to be really hard on some individuals one day so it is better to have them be prepared for the challenges that lay ahead than have them deal with them on an impromptu basis. I have seen for myself that individuals who go by their parents' bidding always will never be willing to take a risk, will always be confused, can't make even the smallest decisions, are totally helpless and have a complete lack of self-confidence and self-belief and their self-esteem is not that high. In short they are made to believe that they do not have certain rights and can do without them despite Jenny, or John next door exercising their rights and enjoying a better view of themselves.
I know I'm going to get a lot of crap from my fellow people because to think that they have been forced into doing something, is preposterous. After all who wants to be known as a puppet even if it's their parents' puppet. It doesn't sound too good to one's ears and I agree. Rather then parents making all the decisions for their children and robbing the lil ones of the experience and confidence necessary to succeed in life it would be far better to try and offer the pros and cons of whatever is in question and allowing the young one to make the final call. After all the child will be living with that decision for the rest of his life and it is necessary for it to deal and cope with the realities of things when they go your way and especially when they don't. Plus, the parents end up robbing the children of vital analytical and decision making powers that defines key traits needed to be successful at anything in life.
I used to be under this pressure myself at one time but I am glad to have gotten out of it because I rationalised that since I will be living with most of these decisions then I should step up and take responsibility for them too. It would be ver easy to blame someone esle because of my weakness but then that is not right. Of course we do not always do the right thing we are human, nonetheless, but we are not stupid. We have a brain for some reason and it is NOT for the purpose of others' play.
Not all is to be blamed on the parents, because the children must realise at some point in their lives that their parents will no longer be living at some stage of their lives. Death is a reality and once the parents are gone who will make the decisions for them? Their spouse? Their partner? Their friends? Who? Living in a plastic world is no reason for one not to try and exert their right and achieve what they want for themselves. For this reason I really admire the western view on rearing children, they maintain a healthy balance for their children and after they have come of age they do not influence them any longer. They will guide them and show them what they think is right and how they feel they should go about it but very few would actually enforce upon the children their desires. I would like for once these backward parents to not meddle with such affairs so directly and instead guide the child. The child grew up holding your hand, it will not live its life like that for all eternity and this truth is never more truer than when you have died. Back to the youth though, they have a responsibility unto themselves for seeing that they get these rights no matter what. They will be frowned upon by their parents and possibly society but then sooner or later they all forget what you did. Your parents can't hate you for all their life, they will get over it and after all they love you so much and eventually that love will come back. It will hurt during those times thinking that you are responsible for their dismay but you are not, because their dismay is because of their beliefs and notions. As for society, well society is fickle, today they would be frowning upon you tomorrow it would be another poor individual so I wouldn't be too worried about society.
Of course there must be a balance between the two extremes, i.e. the parents taking charge or the child. Both must realise when they have to compromise and when not to. Marriage is a big issue here though, with the girl almost having no say. Although the trend is bucking, especially amongst the urbanites, but other than that generally the girl is always under immense pressure. It is unfair to her that one fine day the parents come along and say "Daughter, here's my friend's son (replace "friend" with appropriate relation). Marry him." The poor girl's wishes and dreams are never paid attention to. This is not right at all. In fact it is downright disgusting. And girls who give in don't know what rights they have as human beings and not as daughters. As human beings we all have the right to express our choices and face the consequences for those choices. So too should these young women, it is a grave disservice that is done by these parents upon their daughter. Not only that, the major religion being followed here has given those women explicit rights in such situations where the marriage can be called null and void because she was forced into it! If only people start to exert their basic human rights. If only.
posted by rehanmalick | 8:27 PM
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