Of sorries, apologies and excuses

"Please, pleeeeeeeease," I begged.
"Look two phrases from the English language that I wish were never invented. I'm sorry and please."

That was a conversation I had with an elder when I was in my early teens, I was of course doing the begging. I didn't understand what he meant back then but over the years his words kept ringing in my head and slowly but gradually I understood what he was implying. I don't think he despised these phrases in and of themselves but rather I think it was to demonstrate that how easily they are abused and show lack of sincerity. I can definitely say that about apologising but I have yet to come to a solid conclusion towards begging.

I have found out even from my experiences that when people say they are sorry or they feel sorry even, they are not very honest. The phrase has been beat about very easily and people think that by saying "sorry" they are exonerated from their misdeeds and that they have reversed any pain and suffering. That is why I have mended my way of apology, I would hardly say I am sorry until I know for sure that I mean it, and if I mean it then I would certainly do something to correct the situation as a follow up to show my sincerity. I think it is really imperative that we "walk the walk" as well and not just "talk the talk". I'm not saying do not say "I am sorry," but if you really mean it then you would do something about that and goto great lengths to rectify the situation. Otherwise I would rather not hear those words come out from your mouth. If you don't mean it sincerely then don't say it, I'm not in need of a sullen apology, and I don't think anyone else is either. Rather I would really respect you if you actually did something to correct the situation which would show that you really are apologetic over what you did. Of course sometimes, there isn't much you can do to correct the situation and saying it would make a world of a difference, but I think a promise to not do it again would also show your sincerity. Also to those people who think they can send an email and apologise when they can call or meet up in person, I think the right thing to do is to try to keep it real. An email, snail mail, or word from a mutual friend is not good enough, keep those sorry excuses to yourself. If you have any honour and integrity then you would do it yourself, face to face, and you would be prepared to also go the distance and prove your sincerity.

I regret one thing to this day, and that was that I held back some important information from a dear one. I will regret it always but I am proud of the fact that I took the right and dignified steps towards reconciliation. I told them I am sorry and I told them all the information when I was in their presence. I even went to great lengths to try and show them how sorry I was, I even put it out to them that I am willing to give my life for them (not killing myself but a sort of bond that lasts forever, smart people would know what I'm getting at). It was the best I could offer at that time and like I said I am proud of how I handled the situation, of course in hindsight I could have told them the "information" earlier but I got caught up in the moment and didn't know how it break it and my limbo worsened the situation. The time came and I owned up to my mistake but I was seriously very upset at myself and like I said it is something I regret because I was thinking of myself and didn't consider how my actions would affect the other person. Selfish, indeed. I don't deny that charge, but considering that I had other ways to break the news, which includes lying, to ease the pain on the other person I still took the high road.

I don't pretend to be all righteous and dignified but I do like to atleast try and do the right thing no matter how hard it is. Sometimes I can do it and other times I can't, I'm human and I surely am not chastising anyone for being any less but I would like to see an honest effort from everyone. You can always tell which are the honest ones from the fake ones. The fake one is always going to be the excuse.